


Trade Mistakes

by wesawbears



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-10-27 20:53:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10816539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesawbears/pseuds/wesawbears
Summary: Jeremy breaks up with Jean because Jean makes him happy. It didn't make sense, but then again, anxiety never does. Thankfully, Jean just wants Jeremy exactly as he is.





	1. Chapter 1

It had happened too easily.

One day Jean and Jeremy were friends, living together because they were on the same pro team and it helped alleviate the loneliness that came from being new to the professional sports scene. The next, they were kissing on their couch and were caught up in a whirlwind of emotions that left them both excited, but a bit overwhelmed. 

Jeremy lay awake, observing Jean’s still form next to him. For once he looked peaceful in sleep, and Jeremy smiled as he burrowed into the warmth of the blanket cocoon they’d made. He felt safe and happy, happier than he’d been in a long time. Which was exactly why he was so afraid. He wanted to make Jean as happy as Jean made him, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t good enough. Once he realized that Jeremy wasn’t what he wanted, that he wasn’t happy all the time, once he saw the flaws and the cracks that made up Jeremy, he’d realize Jeremy wasn’t what he needed. He wasn’t strong enough.

Frowning, Jeremy forced himself to turn away and drew his arms around himself, suddenly cold and lonely despite the figure in his bed.

\--

Jean awoke, expecting to feel the warm weight he’d grown accustomed to burrowed next to him. Jeremy had told him that he was like a space heater and had taken to sleeping right up against his chest. Jean didn’t mind; having Jeremy in his arms felt good and right, like an anchor when he was floating and unsure of what his dreams would bring. Last night had been a good night, which were becoming more frequent, but the nightmares hadn’t dissipated entirely.

He found, however, that Jeremy’s warmth wasn’t there to greet him when he woke. Instead, Jeremy was facing away, having taken a portion of the blankets with him. Jean huffed out a laugh. Jeremy must have rolled over in the middle of the night. 

“Jere,” he rumbled, reaching out his hand, “the bed’s getting cold over here…”

Jeremy stirred, subtly moving towards Jean’s hand before stopping short. When Jean saw him stop, he frowned. “Jeremy. Are you okay?”

Jeremy smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, uh, I’m fine. I just...do you think we’re moving a little fast?”

Jean frowned. “I...I suppose? We never really talked about this.”

Jeremy sighed. “Maybe we should...slow down? We’re just both so busy and I don’t want this to fizzle out before it can even really get started.”

Jean paused before acquiescing, “I...yeah. You’re right. We should take some time to think about it. We shouldn’t rush this.”

Jeremy moved to get up before hesitating at the edge of the bed. “Well...now that I’ve made it awkward, I’ll just go get some coffee and make myself scarce. Do you want me to bring you anything back?”

“That’s okay. I’ll just make a pot here.”

Jeremy nodded, opening his mouth as though to speak before closing it and shuffling away.

Jean put his head in his hands before rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. It wasn’t rational, but he couldn’t help the feeling that this was his fault. The worst part was he didn’t even know what had made Jeremy change his mind. He shook it off, but the sound of the coffee pot dripping sounded like a chorus of “not good enough, not good enough…”

\--

This was quite possibly the worst mistake of Jeremy’s life.

It hadn’t even been 36 hours and he was miserable. The apartment felt awkward and hollow and sleeping in his own bed was colder and lonelier than he’d remembered. The only thing keeping him from swallowing his pride and telling Jean that he’d made a mistake was the thought that this was for Jean’s benefit. He couldn’t force himself on Jean. He wouldn’t be that person.

Thankfully, there was a game to distract him, so Jeremy threw himself into that with all the energy he could drum up and if his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, that was no one’s business but his own.

It was a hard game and the backliners hadn’t gone easy. He rubbed at his hip, wanting nothing more than a hot shower and to sleep in his bed. He glanced around to see if Jean was headed for the locker room, but he seemed to have been swept up by reporters. It wasn’t surprising, considering his reputation and the fact that he’d been traded so recently.

Jeremy sat in the team lounge after he washed up, waiting for Jean and watching the interview:

“You were just traded. What contributed to your decision to come to this team, when you could have chosen any team across the nation?”

“This team has a great reputation and really works its whole team, instead of relying on one group of specialists. Plus, I’ve gotten used to California. I was starting to miss it.”

“And is the teamwork philosophy a leftover from your time with the Ravens?”

Jean scowled. “The Ravens didn’t have teamwork; it had precision and ruthless competition. The fact that they were the best was sheer luck of recruiting. True teamwork came from my time at USC.”

“With your teammate, Jeremy Knox. Was working with Knox part of your decision in choosing to play here?”

Jean looked as though he were mulling over his words. “Jeremy is a great asset to any team he plays for. If my goal is to play with the best, I’ve accomplished it. On and off the field. There’s no one who embodies Exy the way he does. Plus, we grew close after I finished college and playing with my best friend is more than I could ask for.”

Jeremy sat staring at the screen. Jean was known for being quiet and professional in his interviews, but this was the equivalent of a gush for Jean. 

“I hate watching myself in interviews.”

Jeremy turned to see Jean standing in the doorway and felt his mouth go dry. He eventually shook himself out of his reverie, saying, “Yeah, uh, super awkward. Not you! But, watching yourself.”

Jean smiled the small smile only for Jeremy and he felt his heart travel into his throat. He walked over to Jean and looked up at him before saying, “I’m really stupid.”

Jean seemed to know what he was talking about and quirked an eyebrow as a gesture for Jeremy to go on.

“I miss you. I know I panicked and you’re probably pissed, but I was so afraid of not being what you needed. And I realize I shouldn’t assume that I know what you need better than you and I’m sorry for that. I understand if you don’t want to take me back. But I’d really, really like a second chance.”

Jean reached out and placed his hand on Jeremy’s cheek. “Mon soleil. I wasn’t lying about what I said. You’re my best friend. You can talk to me when you feel like that. I’m here for you as much as you’re here for me.”

Jeremy didn’t have words for that, so instead he asked, “Can I kiss you? I really wanna kiss you.”

Jean laughed and bent down to catch Jeremy’s lips with his. Jeremy sighed into the kiss before pulling away.

“Yep. Definitely an idiot for giving that up.”

Jean laughed. “We’ll just have to make up for it, won’t we?”

Jeremy grinned. He liked the sound of that.


	2. Chapter 2

Jeremy slept soundly in Jean’s arms that night and slowly things started to return to normal. Jeremy was completely addicted: to Jean’s smiles, his kisses, his arms solid around him, his hand holding Jeremy’s. Jeremy was a romantic at heart, and this was like his fairy tale come true.

However, if he was so blissfully, overwhelmingly happy, why was there still the nagging voice in the back of his head telling him he didn’t deserve this? That he needed to do more, work harder to to prove to Jean that he was worth keeping around?

This thought spiral followed him to Jean’s birthday. Jean said he didn’t want anything big, since he still wasn’t used to celebrating, but Jeremy didn’t feel right not doing anything, so while Jean was out getting coffee with a friend, Jeremy resolved to make dinner and a cake. Dinner went without a hitch and Jeremy left it to cool on the table before setting out to mix up the cake ingredients. He hummed happily to himself, ready to make Jean’s birthday great.

\--

Jean arrived back at their apartment, only to be greeted by the smell of sugar and vanilla. He rolled his eyes fondly. He’d told Jeremy he didn’t want anything, but he knew there was no way he could resist. He knew Jeremy wouldn’t do anything drastic, like a surprise party, so he let himself be a little excited as he pushed open the door.

When he walked in, he made his way into the kitchen to set down his keys and found Jeremy at the counter, mixing something furiously with a smear of batter on his and cheek and overall looking like a frazzled mess.

Jean thought he looked gorgeous.

He walked over to Jeremy and looped his arms around his waist. “Looks good,” he said, kissing the batter off of his cheek.

Jeremy jumped and whirled around to face him. “Jean! I-I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Is that for me?” Jean asked, craning his neck to get a look at the cake.

“No!” Jeremy cried, moving to cover it. “I mean-yes. But it’s not finished yet. So you can’t look.”

Jean’s brow furrowed. The cake had icing covering it and looked like pretty much every cake Jean had ever seen. “It looks done.”

Jeremy shook his head. “No, no, the frosting isn’t right. If I just try one more time…”

“Love...it doesn’t have to be perfect…”

“Yes it does!” Jeremy exclaimed.

Jean realized what was happening, so instead of blindly trying to reassure him, he asked, “Why?”

“Because it was supposed to be something special and a good memory because I know you haven’t had many good birthdays, but I fucked it up and it’s ugly and-”

“Jeremy. Look at my hands.” 

“Jean, I don’t-”

“Look. They’re ugly.” Jeremy tried to protest, but Jean continued, “No. They are. They’re broken and scarred and twisted. Ugly. But you love them anyway, right?”

Jeremy nodded and Jean went on, “You made me a cake. You made me something so I would feel good. Baby, don’t you think you should give that kindness to yourself sometimes?”

Jeremy rested his head on Jean’s shoulder. “I love you.”

Jean looked down, surprised. It was the first time he’d said it. “I love you too,” Jean said with a squeeze. “And for the record, any birthday with you is a good one.”

Over dinner, they talked about finding a therapist for Jeremy to talk to, with Jean saying how hesitant he had been at first, but that it had helped. And then, they ate the lopsided, delicious cake.


End file.
